We are often told to “just forgive and move on” or “you need to forgive in order to be healed” or something like that.
However forgiveness is not an event or a statement you make or something you just do. Neither is it putting a cover over the pain and acting like it never happened. Forgiveness is about taking responsibility for overcoming the hurt/pain or damage caused by the other’s actions. By taking responsibility you are showing that you don’t hold the person responsible for fixing the pain inside you. At this point you will almost surely not feel like forgiving but deciding to accept the responsibility for repair is the beginning of the process.
Holding a hurt or grudge destroys your own life not the other person’s and misses the point. Many people are reluctant to give up these things because they think it means they have to ‘like’ the person and reconcile with them. But forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to reconcile with the person or to spend a lot of time with them or have an ongoing relationship with them. Forgiveness is about processing the hurt and pain so we can let go and move on. We don’t always get a reconciliation, but we don’t need it to forgive.
Forgiveness is a process, something that takes time and you need someone with an understanding listening ear to help you through that process. Why not take that step today?
Prepared by Lyn Abery July 2018